Rhonda stormed out of Tim’s apartment one day saying she never wanted to see him again. Tim was stunned. All he could think about was how to win love back.
He called his buddy Joe and asked whether he should send flowers or candy.
“Neither,” Joe said. “And don’t call, email, or text her either.”
Tim was stunned by this advice. He wanted to win love back right away before Rhonda had a chance to “look around” and find someone better.
But Joe told Tim that giving Rhonda the space to “look around” was just what she needed. There was a small chance that she would go forever, but the probability was that she would settle down and come back to him. She must come to the conclusion that their relationship was special on her own terms.
Further, Joe advised, it would be bad if Tim looked too desperate. This gave Rhonda the upper hand in many ways. It would lead to further grand gestures in the future. If he wanted to get the relationship back on track, Tim needed to give Rhonda space.
Tim and Rhonda both had a lot invested in the relationship. They had been together 18 months and had even talked about marriage. This was why it was such a blow to Tim when Rhonda walked out.
But Tim took Joe’s advice, as painful as it was, and waited for Rhonda to call. It took her four days, but she finally contacted him.
The first thing she wanted to know was “why didn’t you call me?” He told her “I was waiting for you to call. I knew you needed space.”
He was right, and she knew it. She actually appreciated the fact that he hadn’t called. She knew that he had found a way to win love back.
As they talked about hwere their relationship had been and how to get it back on track, they discovered that one of the problems was that they had been crowding one another. The thought of getting married had been suffocating.
So, they decided to back off. They would still see each other exclusively, but they would make more time for friends and solo activities. They wouldn’t talk about marriage again for six months.
Tim restrained himself from pursuing Rhonda when she needed space. This allowed her to reevaluate her relationship with him on her own terms.
She initially thought that he would call her all the time. She was actually surprised that he didn’t. But, because he refrained from contacting her, she was able to see what her life was like without him in it.
And, it wasn’t as pleasant as she had imagined it would be.
So, if you’re determined to win love back, keep in mind that sometime what is needed is a little space.
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